it's been one of those weeks.
this week ... was a lot. and i don't even know at this point whether i can put all of it in one space because brain fog effectively means that a lot of it is lost.
a week or so ago, i joined the oliphant team publicly cos i was sincerely trying to contribute to the cause. (the cause of making into a safe space for anyone who wants to join.) there is often a sad lack of black folk in these spaces because from what i have seen, most of the black folk who don't have the time or energy have just gone into their own spaces. i mean, if you've tried to do something about visibility of a situation and get dismissed and harassed, over and over again, at some point you kinda have to take care of yourself and remove yourself from spaces that continually and blindly continue to harm you. so i tried ...
and it blew up spectacularly. let's just say that people take exception to being told that their language is problematic and why.
i mean ... i get it. we don't like to hear when we've fucked up. but seriously ... if you are out here posing as some kind of ally and activist, you should be open to critique ... especially about an issue you cannot possibly be expected to be familiar with.
yeah ... no. some people just know more than anyone and refuse to listen. and that shit really gets me down sometimes. like ... i really wanna be a part of a community that collects and educates its own. but somehow i always end up getting the short end of the stick when i try. i am at the stage now where ... i just assume people don't care and move on. my faith in humanity is thoroughly shot now.
i am hiding out. i am done with the fedi for a while. i am sick and tired of people who direct harm at others for no reason. i am sick and tired of people who have nothing better to do than to harass others. tired of people who shout “receipts or it didn't happen”. tired of people who just can't believe first, research, and then speak. tired of one segment of the entire world getting the benefit of the doubt at the expense of people this group has historically harmed and continue to harm even today. tired of being a second-class citizen of the world. tired of not being believed. tired of having to live by “seen but not heard” of white supremacy and the “default normal”.
i am beaten.